Wednesday, August 27, 2008

just when I was on the cusp of doing a christian-themed issue instead of a crime-themed issue

Dear Mr. Sands:

I apologize for not writing sooner, but I want to comment on the sample copy I received of your publication, "Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens." Perhaps it is in the nature of small press publications to let some time elapse before writing. I was very appreciative of the nice production values and the vibrant creativity inside its pages, and especially enjoyed the story "Robo-Trippin'", about the boy who couldn't find a drug-free friend and Norton Semicolon, the android companion his father built for him.

However, I came across something in the Bizarro Books catalog in the back that shocked me and made me very sad--the description of a book--"Baby Jesus Butt-Plug", I believe it was called, dealing with a terrible sacrilege against the Baby Jesus. I had no idea that I would be assaulted by such a revolting (actually pornographic) idea/advertisement in what I was looking forward to as a journal of creativity, and along with the liberal use of f-words scattered throughout as well, I will not be reading or looking into submitting material to your publication. I regret to have to say this, as from the outside it looks like a zany and very attractive journal.

Please, please, even in the freedoms of expression that are the rights of man and of citizens of this country, please know that freedom is not a license to sacrilegiously insult the God who made us--or at the very least, to make light of sexual assault of babies.

I wish you the best of luck and God's blessings in your creative work.

Sincerely yours,

Acolyte in the Church of the Random Chance


The Baby Jesus Butt Plug is a novella written by Carlton Mellick III. It is good. Here is the description in the catalog: "Using clones of the Baby Jesus for anal sex will be the hip sex fetish of the future."


Brandi Wells said...

i want to read baby jesus butt plug now.

sam pink said...

instead of "dragons with cancer" you should name the anthology "sexual assault on babies"

Gina Ranalli said...

I don't even know what to say to that.


haha, how did this person get a copy of bust? that is a good letter

i challenge you to a christian themed issue, can you do it

Bradley Sands said...

Brandi: The Baby Jesus Butt Plug appear with a messload of other stuff in the Bizarro Starter Kit (the orange version). Do it. Do it.

Sam Pink: You should change your name to Sexual Assault on Babies.

Giiiiiiiinaaaaa: I don't how how to respond you your comment.

Blake: I think the person found Bust's listing in The Directory of Small Press/Magazine Editors & Publishers and sent a check for the issue through the mail. The kooks and crazies always find me that way. I guess it was a mistake to get a listing. I think the kooks and crazies tend to be people who don't use the internet. Usually old men who have not been published in decades. That guy who wrote me the death threat sent me a list of credits. The last one was from the eighties. I think continuing to submit and not getting published for decades drives people insane.

The founder of Bust wrote a book called Regarding Jesus. I think it's a bunch of poems about Jesus. He's a Mormon. Like a zany, crazy Mormon. Not your typical Mormon. He also wrote an awesome book about Vietnam. It's the only book about war that I liked. It reads like a first draft though. I'd link to it, but I can't find it.

Bradley Sands said...

Everybody: I am high on allergy medication at work.

Josh Maday said...

hey bradley, give it a few decades and your christian-themed issue and crime-themed issue will be the same thing.

my copy of baby jesus butt plug is once again on the to-read pile. again, i have to recommend the menstruating mall to anyone who had not read it. deadpan funny sarcasm in the form of a murder mystery where stereotypes get trapped inside a mall that is, yes, bleeding from its plumbing.