My new book, Sorry Ruined Your Orgy, is now available here. It is a collection of prose poetry and short stories, and the first book published by Lazy Fascist, a new imprint of Eraserhead Press.
Here's the description:
Bizarro humorist Bradley Sands returns with one of the strangest, most hilarious collections of the year.
Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, the pope gets sued, a headless man falls in love with a bowl of rice, and architects dismantle the earth. A war breaks out over greeting cards. A suicidal amputee tries to kill himself. William S. Burroughs becomes an amateur archaeologist and Tao Lin drinks an ape-flavored smoothie.
Between a breakfast of clocks, a lunch date with Adolf Hitler, and breakdancing in outer space, anything is possible in the work of Bradley Sands. Just never wear a bear costume to an orgy.
And the blurbs:
"Nothing I could dream up compares to the strangeness and wildness of Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy. You should read this book." - SHANE JONES, author of Light Boxes
"Words cannot express what Bradley Sands can do with words. Every page in this book is shocking, hilarious, sad and surprising. Reading it is like crowd-surfing a bookstore full of basketball players on MDMA." - MYKLE HANSEN, author of Help! A Bear is Eating Me!
"Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy is like an Adult Swim show written by Russell Edson." - CARLTON MELLICK III, author of The Faggiest Vampire
And Sam Pink did the cover art.
Also, The Day Your Heart Stood Still...Day is coming up fast and furiously on Thursday.
This morning, I woke to Betty White's maniacal attempt to prevent it from happening, to the sounds of octogenarian fists punching through walls. The deceased members of The Golden Girls lurched towards me out of the cracks, moaning, "coupons, coupons" while staring intently at my skull and licking their putrid lips.
I said, "Stop! This is inappropriate! You are desecrating your memory! I feel greatly offended on your behalf! You are The Golden Girls! The Golden Girls are...awesome!"
But they did not stop frightening me, so I was forced to pick up a Seinfield DVD case and beat them with it (gently, and with a great deal of respect) until they vacated my premises.
Your necromancy can't stop The Day Your Heart Stood Still...Day, Betty White! Nothing can stop it, Betty! Nothing!
And I just want to pause here to mention that if you want to take advantage of Amazon's free Super Saver Shipping (where you have to buy $25 worth of stuff), Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy would make a good companion book, although you would still be missing a few dollars. I suggest buying a pair of 3D glasses or fruit or something to make up the difference. Or if you want your book selections to be a little more diverse, I recommend a volume of the Captain Underpants series.