Tuesday, March 4, 2008
chaos is tasty AND USEFUL TOO
My alarm clock woke me up today at 4 pm. I set it for 5 pm and went back to sleep. My alarm clock woke me up at 5 pm. I set it for 6 pm and went back to sleep. My alarm clock woke me up at 6 pm. I went to the bathroom and urinated. I went back to my room. I set my alarm clock for 7 pm and went back to sleep. My alarm clock woke me up at 7 pm. I went back to my room and checked my email. I turned on my light box. I was bathed with artificial sunlight. I continued reading a story in Zoetrope about a vampire in a lemon grove that I had started the night before. An half an hour passed since I turned on my light box. It turned itself off. I was disappointed by the story's ending. I swore off reading Zoetrope forever. I turned on my cell phone and listened to a message. I thought about walking to town. I thought about being cold and lazy. I got dressed. I put some papers and library books in a bag. I walked out of my room. I put on my sneakers and coat. I walked downstairs and out the door. I drove to town. I parked in a parking spot. I walked across the street. I saw someone walking his dog who may have been an MFA student who I had hung out with once. I considered finding out if he was. I considered asking him if he was done with his copy of Donald Barthelme's Sixty Stories. I went to the copy shop. I made three copies. I went to a used bookstore. I saw a Library of America Edition of a trilogy of Faulkner novels that I had never heard of. I looked for Sixty Stories. They only had a book by one of Barthelme's brothers. I considered buying the Faulkner book. I decided to go to another bookstore and look for the Barthelme book. I went to the bookstore. It was closed. I went back to the used bookstore to buy the Faulkner book. It was closed. I went to a Mexican restaurant. I ordered two soft tacos with sour cream, tortilla chips, and a cup of Sprite. I tasted the Sprite. It tasted like seltzer water. I asked for my money back. The cashier gave me my money back. I got some water. I sat down. I ate tortilla chips. Someone called my number. I stood up and got my food. I ate one taco and a fourth of the other taco. I asked for a takeout container. I put the three-fourths of the other taco into the container. I left. I thought about walking to the library. I thought about how lazy I was. I walked to my car. I got in and drove to the library. The library was closed. I thought about driving to the supermarket. I drove a little. I remembered that I had library books to return. I made a u-turn. I drove back to the library. I returned the books. I drove to the supermarket. I got a cart. I wheeled the cart around the store. I put a box of generic-brand rice crispies, 3 yogurts, milk, cream cheese, frozen Pad Thai with Tofu, cream cheese, frozen organic macaroni and cheese, three frozen vegetable pizzas, and a bag of bagels into my cart. I wheeled my cart past the book aisle. I thought about looking for Barthelme's Sixty Stories. I wheeled my cart to the checkout line. I payed the cashier with my debit card. The bagger bagged my food. I wheeled my bags of food back to one of the aisles. I put two jugs of Poland Spring water into my cart. I wheeled my cart to the automatic checkout line. I paid for the water with my debit card. I wheeled the cart to the movie rental vending machine. I looked for a movie. I could not make up my mind. A woman walked up and started to wait for me to make up my mind. I left the store. I drove home. I removed my bags of food from my car. I accidentally left the bag of bagels in my car. I intentionally left the jugs of water in my car. I put my food away. I walked upstairs. I went to the bathroom and urinated. I went to my room. I checked my email. I went on Amazon.com. I looked up Sixty Stories. I read the story, "Margins." I googled "barthelme" and "margins." I went to a website that was listed among the search results. I read an article about Barthelme. I went back to Amazon.com. I looked up Forty Stories. I read the story, "Chablis." I looked up Faulkner's Snopes: The Hamlet, The Town, The Mansion. I read the reviews. I changed my mind about buying the book. I considered buying Sixty Stories from Amazon. I considered other books to buy so I could reach $25 and take advantage of the free shipping. I considered a big book of X-Men comic reprints and an anthology of stories that were inspired by the band, The Fall. I wrote a check for rent. I accidentally wrote the dollar in the amount in the TO: section. I tore up the check. Someone called my cell phone. I tried to answer. My phone turned itself off. I turned it back on. I checked the messages. I called my friend back. We made plans to see Be Kind Rewind tomorrow before work and possibly go to a bar Friday night. I wrote another check. I accidentally wrote the dollar in the amount in the TO: section. I tore up the check. I wrote another check. I walked downstairs and attached the check to the refrigerator to the refrigerator. I put my laptop in my laptop bag. I picked up a CD booklet. I carried my laptop bag and CD booklet downstairs. I opened the freezer door and removed my frozen Pad Thai. I carried my CD booklet, laptop bag, and frozen Pad Thai outside and got into my car. I drove to work. I carried my CD booklet, laptop bag, and frozen Pad Thai, and CD player into the store. I put my CD booklet, laptop bag, and CD player down behind the counter. I put my frozen Pad Thai in the freezer. I completed tasks inside. My new co-worker waited for her ride. I went outside and completed tasks. I went back inside. I discovered that my co-worker had accidentally put $655 of imaginary money on a pump. I tried to fix it. The cash register locked up and no buttons worked. We lost customers. I closed the store so I could fix the cash register. I fixed the cash register. I used the refund button in an effort to make it look I hadn't stolen $655. I printed out a receipt for the transaction. I studied it. I was perplexed. I left it on the lottery machine for the manager. I worried a little that it would look like I had stolen $655. I took my laptop out of its bag and plugged it in. I plugged in my CD player. I listed to Jesus and Mary Chain's Psycho Candy. I got a little hungry. I remembered that I had three-fourths of a soft taco in my car. I went outside and got the taco from my car. I went back inside and started to eat the taco. My co-worker's ride showed up. She left. I finished my taco. I changed it the CD to Meat Beat Manifesto's Actual Sound Sounds and Voices. I started to count the cigarettes. I got bored. I tried to read John Cheever's "The Swimmer" online. I really liked the line, "He had an inexplicable contempt for men who did not hurl themselves into pools." I got bored. I remembered that I didn't like reading stories online. I worried that the rest of the story would not be as good as "He had an inexplicable contempt for men who did not hurl themselves into pools." I stopped reading John Cheever's "The Swimmer." I opened up my blog. I started typing. I made this all up.