Sunday, February 17, 2008

I am impressed with myself

My housemate told me I was the shittiest person he has ever met. It was a few morning ago. I had just gotten home from work. My wet laundry was on the floor next to the drier. My housemate dry clothing was tumbling in the dryer. I yelled at the dry clothing while I took it out to leave on a couch. My roommate came out of his room in boxer shorts. I may have woke him up when I yelled at his dry clothing. He owes the landlord two months in rent. He owes me a bunch of money. The money has something to do with his ability to take hot baths.

I am happy that I am the shittiest person that he has ever met. This is quite an achievement considering the amount of time he spends with himself. It didn't take very much effort to be the shittiest person that he has ever met. All I did was tell him that my clothes were still in the dryer and wet and left for work. This was after his clothes were finished in the washing machine. This is not interesting.

I am in the process of building a death/laundry robot. If I wasn't the shittiest person that he had ever met, it would just be a laundry robot. Now instead of doing the laundry, my robot will guard the dryer and kill anyone who throws my wet laundry on the floor. I will name my robot Evil Robotic Minion of the Shittiest Person That My Roommate Has Ever Met.

I wish I were the shittiest person in the world. Being the shittiest person who my roommate has ever met is a little lackluster, but I am still happy about the new title. If I were the shittiest person in the world, I would do the shittiest thing that a person can do to another: kill themselves in their housemate's bedroom while they were out of the house and make it really, really messy. But I am not the shittiest person in the world because I think a messy suicide would be unpleasant for me. I would not be happy as a messy suicide. Instead, I would do a clean one, which would make me a little more happy. Then after I died, I could invent an invention that would cause time to move faster and my body would decay at a rapid pace. He would never be able to get my smell out. I would do creepy haunted laughter and he would be forced to move out because of my creepy haunted laughter and the smelly smell of my decay. This is how I plan to spend my summer vacation.

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