Crawling Over Fifty Good Pussies to Get One Fat Boy’s Asshole

I am trying to get my Nick Cave story started. It is based on the song, Stagger Lee. It involves a Disneyland clone called Wackyland, the Hall of Game Show Hosts, Alex Trebek gone wigger, time travel, and a killing spree. I am having trouble getting started. It is going slowly. I have written 81 words. I would like to write at least 500 words tonight. It's almost been a month since I last wrote prose. I am not using the short, clipped sentence style that I have been enjoying lately and find extremely easy.

This used to be my first sentence:

"It was back in 3032 when the economy was sitting pretty in its penthouse suite at the Plaza Hotel when the Hall of Game Show Hosts in Zanyland had a programming malfunction."

It is a little like the first line in the song, but I deleted it because I didn't want to start with an expository sentence.

In the future, I am probably going to publish an e-book anthology called Bradley Sands is a Dick. Andersen Prunty will probably edit it. We may have come up with the concept while we were drunk. I will break his trust by quoting an email from him. He promises that "this will be the most poorly planned, ill-conceived anthology imaginable."

He has already come up with a form letter rejection: "I regret to inform you that your story, while well written, did not adequately convey to me that Bradley Sands is a dick."

I like this form letter rejection.

I am motivated to publish this e-book because Blake Butler does fun things with his literary journal and I don't do fun things with my literary journal and I want to be like him.

Every story will be called Bradley Sands is a Dick.

Earlier in this entry, I was having trouble thinking of the word "break" in the sentence, "I will break his trust by quoting an email from him." This may be why I am having such a hard time writing my story. This happens to me sometimes. I forget a lot of random words. Obviously I didn't forget the word, "break," but I forget that it was used in the context of that sentence. Sometimes when this happens, I start making telephone calls that make people think that I am crazy.