Thursday, July 17, 2008

Your Weekly Assignments

Blake Butler: Write a story that begins with the sentence, "Hitler tells me that I look beautiful."

Eric Blair: Write a story that isn't about yourself (must be awesome!).

Gina Ranalli: Write a story about a miniature golf competition.

Jason Jordan: Write a story about a ghost parade.

Josh Maday: Write a story about a very young precocious protagonist who is a writer. It must use the words "precocious," "cacophony," "denizens," and "etc."

kek-w: Write a story about a time-traveling elephant.

Mike Young: Write a poem about a monster truck driver who marries his monster truck and attempts to sue Russell Edson for copyright infringing his life.

Micah Hacim: Write a story about how you're a jerk from the point of view of the bodyguard who used to beat you up during Rory Gilmore's years at Chilton Academy.

Ryan Call: Write a story about MFA candidates using thermonuclear weapons to compete for teaching assistanceships.


ryan call said...

question: when are these due?


ha yes, i am going to put my deep knee boots on

Bradley Sands said...

Ryan: Heh, whenever you want. Or if it would be helpful to you: one week or two weeks or one month or whenever.

Blake: Deep knee boots!

Josh Maday said...

this is going to be fun and probably turn out a little childish.

see, all you have to do to get a load of comments is drop some names.

seriously, this is a good post. i enjoyed reading it.

i'll send the story over when it's born.

Bradley Sands said...

I didn't think anyone would do it. I was just fucking around.

But yes, cool.

I actually like using the word "cacophony" in every fifty thousand words or so of fiction that I write. It's a good word.

I use "denizens" too sometimes, but that's to describe some citizens on of sort of otherworldly land. There's an alien-like quality to the sound of the word.

I don't write "serious fiction" though.

Definitely agree with you regarding your other pet peeves. I like protagonists who are writers sometimes, but that's because I'm a sucker for those kinds of things. But I think it's lazy writing protagonists like that and I'm pretty sure that readers who aren't writers too won't dig it.

I finished the first draft on a story last week. My original idea was to have a writer protagonist. But I thought that was lame, so I changed him to a greeting card designer.

And I HATE A very young "precocious" narrator. That's literary fiction at its laziest. Like I wrote in this thing-- -- "-every story must be written from the point of view of an eight-year-old who thinks and speaks as if they're fifty-two."

Jason Jordan said...

Ask and ye shall receive.

Well, maybe. :p

Mike Young said...

I'm the only person asked to write a poem. "What does it all mean," he said.

Bradley Sands said...

You are special, Mike Young.

Anonymous said...

Micah Hacim: Write a story about how you're a jerk from the point of view of the bodyguard who used to beat you up during Rory Gilmore's years at Chilton Academy:

My girlfriend is pregnant, but the bitch says I better stay the hell away from her and the baby. She also says if it's a boy she will name it. if it's a girl she won't even bother with potty training.

I kicked the shit out of the guy she's seeing now. A smart mouth zinester who goes by the name Andrew Brown.

I punched his teeth out, I punched him in the chest, but when I kneed him in the crotch he didn't double over in pain like I expected. That got me thinking.

I haven't been a thinking man since I was expelled from Chilton Academy. I was a straight 'A' student, handsome as shit, and the school newspaper's ace photographer.

One day, after fencing practice, I noticed the school's weirdo, Hacim Mortsmlam, looking up Rory Gilmore's skirt from beneath the bleachers. Later, I elbow-dropped his face in the locker room.

I refused to reveal why I'd done it, and the administration expelled me.

Father got me work at one of Nightclubs he owned out in Salt Lake Shitty as punishment. But I was well suited to the work and found I liked cracking drunkard's skulls on the weekends. It was a lot like the movie Roadhouse. So I decided to become a bouncer.

Years later, I slept with one of the barmaids without a condom and that barmaid was my baby's momma that I mentioned earlier.

I just googled the zinester Andrew Brown, and it turns out he was once a she! Andrew Brown was once Angela Brown! No wonder my nut shot had no effect.

Next time I see that transgendered mother fucker I'm gonna elbow-drop it in the face. Until then, I'll catch up on Tivo.

The end.

Writen by me (not Tony)

Bradley Sands said...

You get a D.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the leniency.

kek-w said...

"Write a story about a time-traveling elephant" - lol!

Only just seen this, teach...sorry...("Late again! It's detention for you, sonny!")

I'm on it.

Jason Jordan said...

I fail miserably. Will you give me a D-, though?

Bradley Sands said...

If you paypal me five thousand dollars.

Jason Jordan said...