Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I had to take two buses to get to work on Sunday night.

I had to wait forty-five minutes for the second bus.

I decided to go to Subway. I bought a six inch veggie delight with "the works." The works are all the vegetables except the spicy stuff. I asked for Balsamic Vinaigrette or something that resembled it. I also asked for American Cheese, even though I want to eliminate dairy from my diet.

Baby steps. I just bought soy milk from the grocery store.

I bought a Sobe drink when I got to work. I forget what it was called. I think it might have been the last one. Something berry-ish that lists a bunch of vitamims on the front of the bottle and tastes so good that I assume it isn't very good for me.

I also bought a ninety-nine cent bag of pretzels.

The woman/girl/whatever who I was training offered me a Milano cookie. I said 'no thanks.' It was mint chocolate I think.

I always feel weird saying 'woman' when I'm describing someone who is younger than me.

I do not feel like an adult. I feel like I am in my twenties. I am in my twenties. But not for long. I feel like I should be in my twenties for a lot longer. I feel like I've accomplished little in my twenties besides writing and editing. My mother told me when I was young that the years feel quicker when you get older. This is true. I do not feel like it has been eight years since I turned twenty-one. I feel like it has been two or three. Except for the writing and editing aspects of my life. That feels like eight years. Maybe more. I feel like I am living in two different lifespans. Like my writing/editing is counted by human years and my actual living is counted by dog years. I think it may be all the phases of employment and unemployment that I have gone through. This has sped up my life. Mostly the tedium of employment. I can be at work and feel like I've never left. I think worktime should be measured in a different amount than non-work time. Many months at one job can seem like an excessively torturous week. School went by so slooowly. Because there was so much going on, I think. I want to go back to school. To slow down the pace of my life.

Near the end of my shift, I walked across the street to the Cumberland Farms gas station. I bought a turkey wrap. It had tomato flavored mayonnaise. I am not sure if mayonnaise is dairy. I don't think it is. I think it is poultry. The wrap was very good. It is odd that a gas station has good prepared food.

A couple of hours after I got him, I toasted a plain Lender's bagel that I bought in a package of six (maybe?) from the supermarket. I put Smart Balance's buttery spread on it. It is supposed to be good for my cholesterol. I don't eat it for my cholesterol. I eat it because it tastes better than regular butter. Also, it is dairy, but I think it is better for me than my usual cream cheese.

Tonight, which is the night of the morning that I ate the bagel (and my next shift at work), I forget to bring food as I had intended. I went across the street to Cumberland Farms. I bought a steak wrap. It was good, but not as good as the turkey wrap from the night before. I also drank another Sobe's drink. I have the empty bottle in front of me: "Black and Blue Berry Brew"

Below that, it says this in a slightly smaller font: "Blackberry and Blueberry"

Below that, it says this in a really smaller font: "With other natural flavors"

Below that, it says this in a much larger font: "Flavored Beverage"

Below that, it says this in a non-bold font: "with a blend of guarana, juniperberry & vitamins C & E.

I am not going to tell you how many fluid ounces it contained.

Below the bottle cap are these words: "RESPEK THE LIZARD"

I felt the urge to write "sic" after "RESPEK." I fought this urge.

I meant to get whatever flavor I had last night, but picked "Black and Blue Berry Brew" instead. This is because I don't think there were any left of last night's flavor. I am repeating myself again. I liked "Black and Blue Berry Brew," but not as much as last night's flavor. But it was a nice change, because I drink last night's flavor a lot, whatever it may be called.


ryan call said...

i liked this post a lot.

i dont feel very adultlike either. i feel that my brain has stopped developing. and that i will not get smarter or more adultlike anymore.

Bradley Sands said...

Thanks, Ryan.

Since writing this post, I have eaten another ninety-nine cents bag of pretzels, a can of honey-flavored baked beans, another toasted bagel with that weird butter, and a Fruit on the Bottom strawberry yogurt. I am failing at being non-dairy.

My meals are all out of order since I sleep from one or two in the afternoon to nine or ten at night.

I liked the digression that I made in this entry. I didn't plan on it. I wanted to write something mundane. The digression was the best part.

I feel like my ability to focus on things is lessening as I get older. I used to read books that are a lot more challenging. Now I don't have any patience for them.

I feel like I will not get more adult-like either. But at the same time, I predict that I will become more and more adult as the years progress, although more slowly than most people. I think "adult" and "dull" might mean the same thing.

I think my fiction is kind of juvenile. That's ok with me, but not necessarily with an MFA program.

ryan call said...

what do you mean by juvenile?

Bradley Sands said...


Bradley Sands said...

Case in point. Here are some earlier versions of th first two chapters of a novella that I'm working on (I've since rewritten them because the plot changed):



The protagonist is a teenager though and it is written in first person, so being immature makes sense.

The book may end up being too long for a novella. I recently finished the outline and it's over ten thousand words. So maybe it's a short novel.

I'm starting the third chapter tonight. Hoping to get back into the groove of things. Haven't written prose/fiction in maybe three weeks unless you count editing/rewriting the first two chapters.