Tuesday, January 6, 2009

secret messages

Blake Butler: I used to love to wake up in the morning, slam down a ton of coffee, and write. I loved this because I was less critical of myself in the morning. It felt like I will still asleep while fully conscious and completely out of my head. I cannot drink coffee anymore. This may be the biggest regret of my life.

J.A. Tyler: There was a period during high school where I lucid dreamed every night. It took me a while to be able to do this. I would often get scared when the dream became lucid and wake up. Eventually, I forced myself to stay asleep. I was really stupid in my lucid dreams. I could have done so much awesome stuff, but instead I usually had sex with girls from my high school that I had crushes on. I had never had "real" sex at the time, so it must have been very inaccurate. Now I rarely have lucid dreams as hard as I try. Some times I blame losing my virginity.

Keith Montesano: Back when I was really depressed, I used to have terrible nightmares. I would force myself to wake up from these nightmares. I would go back to sleep. The nightmare would begin from where it left off as if it were a movie and waking up had paused it and going back to sleep was the same thing as pushing PLAY. So after the nightmare started again, I would wake myself up again. And then I would go back to sleep. It felt like I did this hundreds of times each time I had this kind of nightmare, which was often. It was really terrible to experience these things. Sometimes I think all the lucid dreaming in the past was somewhat to blame.

Daniel Bailey: Once I woke up in college and a girl who I had a crush on was on top of my chest, choking me, and I was unable to move. After a while, she vanished. It was pretty traumatizing. It took me a while to be able to move again. I knew it wasn't a dream because the surroundings of my dorm did not change after I was able to move again. My eyes were open the entire time. Later, I did research and found out that I had experienced sleep paralysis, which involves dreaming while you're still awake. It is very rare. In my case, and I think in the case of everyone else who has experienced it, I woke up during a dream and continued dreaming. This has only happened to me once. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. And further research tells me that the idea of a succubus was the result of sleep paralysis through the ages.

Brad D. Green: I once watched a Richard Kern movie. Soon after, I saw one of the actresses from the movie on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher. I thought I was dreaming. I jumped up and down, trying to fly. I did not fly.

Brandi Wells: I just woke up from a bad dream. It was about an ex-girlfriend. I cannot stop dreaming about her even though I haven't seen her in seven or eight years.

Mike Young: I went to the UMASS library this morning to find out about job possibilities, scan some papers, and print out some papers. Doing all of these things was an extreme pain in the ass. The UMASS library was not an extreme pain in the ass back when I was a UMASS student. But we did have naked men jumping off the roof.

Jason Jordan: A billionaire bought out my whatchamacallet cart. He is now my boss. It sucks having a boss. He was my secret santa for christmas. It was not very secret because he and I or the only people in the company. He bought me satellite radio for my car. I listed to the metal station all the time. It is amazing how many variations of metal they play: Seventies metal, eighties cheese, metalcore, metalcore with cheesy eighties vocals, emo metal, death metal, black metal, neu metal, nineties metal. Metal is strange. Black Sabbath and metalcore feel as if they belong in different universes. I like metal a lot. But not enough that any of the bands that the radio station plays really distinguish each other in my head. Except for a Japanese band that I forgot the name of, I have not heard a song by a band that has made me though, "This band is awesome and I need to hear more by them!" I am a casual metal listener.

Jason Gussman: I do not understand Facebook. I don't understand when people who are really my friends request my friendship on it when we are already friends on myspace. Will it make our message exchanges more magical if we do it on Facebook rather than Myspace? I have like fifty Facebook friends. I have like two thousand Myspace friends. I use Myspace to promote. I don't think I've ever made a friends request on Facebook. Maybe I have. Unlike Myspace, I used to want to keep my Facebook account pure by only adding my actual friends. But then "reader type" people started adding me. And I started accepting, hoping they would buy my book. I am ashamed of myself.

Josh Maday: My desk collapsed, so I put my computer monitor on top of a dresser. My desk collapsed, so I put the motherboard on top of a table. My desk collapsed, so I put my mouse on top of my motherboard. My desk collapsed, so I put my keyboard on top of my lap.

Brad D. Green: Sometimes random strangers send me stories to read and give my opinion of (rather than submitting stories to my journal). I rarely read these stories and share my opinion. I wonder if this makes me a bad person. I will read and share my opinion if my friends send me stories. I will even do this if a friend sends me an entire novel as a Microsoft Word document.

Cameron Pierce: You are the worst arm wrestler I've ever arm wrestled.

kek-W: I really like the titles of American B movies from the fifties and sixties. I feel the need to write "American" since you are from the UK. It seems like the better the title is, the worse the movie is. Movie titles are pretty awful these days, except for stuff like Snakes on a Plane and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (because of it's awesome long-windedness). Most of my favorite titles for my books and stories are in the same vein as these B movies. I am going to start outlining a new book tonight. It will be called Sex Offender Vs. Evil Houses, which is derived from the film title, Earth Vs. the Spider. Earth Vs. the Spider is a better title than Sex Offender Vs. Evil Houses, but Sex Offender Vs. Evil Houses is still very good. I have not seen Earth Vs. the Spider. I am afraid the movie will ruin the quality of the title. I always thought it was Earth Vs. Spider rather than Earth Vs. the Spider, but I just googled it and am a little disappointing by the addition of the "the." I will not add the additional "the" to Sex Offender Vs. Evil Houses. It sounds better in my head that way. My book was originally going to be called I Was a Teenage Sex Offender, but the protagonist is no longer a teenager. I was also thinking about naming it I Raped Your Grandmother Last Night, but I don't want to write a book with "rape" in the title. It is distasteful. I just realized I Raped Your Grandmother Last Night is similar to a line in the Misfit's song, Last Caress. That is a good song.

Sam Pink: This made me laugh:

This too:

Matthew Simmons: This is a really good song:


Jason Jordan said...

Metal for life. \m/

Was the Japanese band Sigh? If not, you got me. Envy are Japanese, too, but I'd be surprised if they were played on a metal station.

Bradley Sands said...

No, their names was three words long. I think the words were short. I looked them up and there music is describes as very diverse. Like they started doing pop music and their later stuff was metal. It reminded me of Between the Buried and Me.

Bradley Sands said...

I think the words in their name were Japanese also.

Bradley Sands said...

I found their name: Dir En Grey.

Sounds like a German name actually.

Brad Green said...

I want to know who this second Brad Green is. I'm thinking I might need to kick his ass.

Bradley Sands said...

Huh? A second Brad Green? Maybe he is your evil clone? Maybe your evil clone is immensely powerful? Maybe he gets his power from his evilness?

Brad Green said...

An evil clone would be cool. He's the one that gets all the rejections, I think.

Bradley Sands said...

Dear Brad D. Green,

Thank you for submitting "Bouncy Castle of Evil." Unfortunately, we are going to pass on it.

Take Care,

Bradley Sands, Editor of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens

Brad Green said...

I think the leprous unicorn teletubby with the penchant for reciting Leonard Cohen lyrics during the 4th quarters of NBA games may have been too much for that story.

The Evil Clone of Brad D. Green

Matt DeBenedictis said...

If you see Dir En Grey in visions or they walk in your dreams to sell you condos and a hot dog new drugs are in order. Abandon the goddamn ship.

Jason Jordan said...

Ah yes. Dir En Grey. Heard of them, but haven't listened to them.

Daniel Bailey said...

i think something similar to sleep paralysis happened to me once when i took way too much melatonin.

sam pink said...

melatonin is evil.

Jason Gusmann said...

brad, there's no shame in your game unless those facebook fuckers DON'T buy your book. then yr just like some broken-down whore giving it away for free. myspace, on the other hand, is nothing but one big whoredom, and confusing myspace friendship and facebook friendship is like confusing a pity hand-job for going steady. or actual friendship.

kek-w said...

"Bouncy Castle of Evil." - lol. This I gotta read.

Brandi Wells said...

yes. bouncy castle of evil.