Monday, September 29, 2008

the blog you wrote is going to get you punched in the face

I live on top of a bunker.

I found this out a few days ago. I asked my roommate, "What's up with that house next to us? Do we live on top of them or something?"

Last week, I noticed the house next to us. It is kind of hidden. While our house is at the top of a small hill, the one next door is at the bottom of a small hill. It is built into the ground.

It's kind of cool that I've been kind of living on top of a house for a couple of weeks without knowing it.

Not that it's much different than living below the people upstairs who I have never met, but at least I knew they were there.

My roommate told me he was offered a room/apartment/whatever in the bunker by the landlord, who owns both houses. My roommate chose the main house because the bunker "doesn't make sense." It has "weird angles."

Lately, I have been watching too much TV on the internet. I miss the TV strike. Comcast has a new site, I think, where they stream shows. Damn you, Comcast.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Good Job is probably the best show on TV right now.

I sent the printer the next issue of Bust, so it should be out in a couple of weeks.

I realized why I have been sleeping so much. I was on an antibiotic for my cough. I still have my cough, but I finished my antibiotic. Thanks, my doctor.

The webmaster of emailed me. He requested an unbiased site review on my blog. He offered either a product sample or payment to do this. If I choose the product sample instead of the payment, the product sample is mine to keep. I don't need to send it back!

The product sample is an ebook about facial ticks.

An ebook about facial ticks is mine to keep!

It's tempting, but I think I'll take the payment. Thanks, webmaster.

The site is selling a product for children with Tourette's Syndrome. The product eliminates facial tics within 72 hours without dangerous medications that cause harmful side effects.

I am confused, but I will write my unbiased review anyway: COCKSUCKER is a nice site CUM DUMPER. I think ANAL SPLURGE they are FUCK STICK selling a product CUNTBEAR that could possibly beneficial to children ANAL FUCKFEST. The site design FECAL FUCK could use some CLITBEAR work, but the design is better COCK TOES than amateurish. Regardless, they are still FUCKBEAR selling what could be a BITCHFUCKDICKSUCK beneficial product.


Jess Gulbranson said...

My girlfriend has Tourette's. It doesn't manifest in the sterotypical way- her filthy awesome sailor mouth is all her own. Instead, she gets involuntary punching motions... that's why I enjoyed this post so, so much. So much.

Bradley Sands said...

At first I thought you were offended, then I remembered the title of this post. So you are probably not.

Your girlfriend dangerous. Does she ever punch you?

I used to do that in my sleep. Usually punch walls. Now I get out my aggression by clenching my jaw/grinding my teeth

I punched one of my exes in the face when I was asleep once.

Jess Gulbranson said...

No, the only thing that offended me was when I lost 1d4 SAN at reading the word 'clitbear.'

My girlfriend does not punch me. My ex-wife used to punch me. She was not nice.

My girlfriend is dangerous. Fun dangerous. Like a sexy she-Viking hanging out in Valhalla dangerous.

Bradley Sands said...

What the fuck does that mean? Some gamer jargon?

Jess Gulbranson said...

Yup. Makes you want to punch me, huh?

Bradley Sands said...

It makes me want to point at you and laugh.

It makes me want to choke you with a plastic sword.

Jess Gulbranson said...

That's okay. A history as a gamer is fine. I got a novel out of mine. But it's something a man has to grow out of. Unlike wearing a diaper.

Bradley Sands said...

Is your next novel about uncontrollable bowel movements?

Jess Gulbranson said...

No, second book in the trilogy. So more gaming satire. But since all characters in my writing are author surrogates or people who offend me with references to anatomical monstrosities... who knows?

Bradley Sands said...

Fucking trilogies.

Jess Gulbranson said...

Trucking philologies

jereme said...

the title of your posts are funny

kek-w said...

I've got all the CLITBEAR movies. There's seven in total. CLITBEAR IV is the funnest; it features Vlodi Kevorkian as a fucked-up assassin who has a cod-piece which is a large centipede. When he presses a button on his belt it sorta unrolls like a tongue or a party-whooper-whistle and starts wriggling and hissing.

It's better than anything on British TV right now.

Jason Gusmann said...

okay, there are too many comments already, but there is still more to discuss. the bunker that 'doesn't make sense' and 'has weird angles' obviously co-exists in arkham and if you sleep there you will have dreams in the witch-house. tim and eric is absolutely the best thing on television today, and along with 12 oz. mouse is evidence that the world is slowly preparing itself for bizarro. the blog you wrote is hi-larious and worth getting punched in the face over.

Jess Gulbranson said...

Isn't that what Orwell said about the future? "Picture a clitbear punching a human face, forever?"